i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
