'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
