he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
