yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
