I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
