He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
