There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
