Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
