this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
