im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
