I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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