Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
