you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
