well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
