i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and she was petting her beer can
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
