I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
