Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize