Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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