its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
