her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
