So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
