My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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