Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
