by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
