wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
