ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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