2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
