can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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