Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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