I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
