the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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