You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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