I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
