You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
