Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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