she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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