I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
