Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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