Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
