You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
