It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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