don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
