woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
