I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
