I need help removing her.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
