Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
