i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
