you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
