Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
