I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize