I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
