I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
