Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize