By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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