She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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