My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
