the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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