new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
