whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
