Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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