I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
