why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
