who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
